An American Tragedy
I just couldn’t send the paper to print this month without speaking of the American Tragedy that occurred on September 10th, 2025. Mr. Charles James Kirk (Charlie) was assassinated for sharing his voice. Today as I write this, only one week has passed since they took this great man from our country. I have cried daily mourning him, and I know I am not alone. I never met Charlie, but I believe in the words he spoke.
I was brought up in Church until about the age of 10. I remember all the stories I learned about Jesus and about being a Christian. Unfortunately for me, those same principles were never acted out in our home. Instead, our home was full of violence, addiction, abuse, and sin. I loved going to Sunday School but often wondered why we were so poor and everybody in our house was always fighting when God promised his children riches and Love. My parents divorced when I was 11.
Looking back, our life got drastically worse once we stopped going to church. It wasn’t the church that we were missing but the overall presence of God missing from our lives. The world was not kind to us. Mom got addicted to pills and wasn’t present even though she was there. When Jesus was no longer in my life, the ways of the world hit me hard. Mom’s addiction allowed people to be present in my life that had no business being in the presence of a little girl. I started losing my faith. I just didn’t understand that if I was his child like they taught me in church how could he allow these horrible things to happen to me. Me losing my faith turned into years of anger at God.
I found another broken soul when I was 15. We made a pact to have kids and raise them differently than the way we were raised. I meant it with my whole heart. Looking back, I had envisioned the American Family that Charlie spoke of. We had our first daughter when I was 19 and our second when I was 23. Our household looked nothing like an American Dream. The reality of what was happening in our home was that it was filled with all the same things we had both grown up with, addiction, violence, abuse, infidelity, and sin. This life further took me away from God. I was trying to be the best wife and mother I could, I was loyal, I honored my husband, I took really good care of my girls, but it never was enough to stop all the abuse. I don’t ever remember reaching out to God during this time, but I sure wish I had.
After 13 years I decided that if I didn’t leave, he would eventually kill me and my children would be stuck all alone in the chaos, that I couldn’t find myself free of. Although I was terrified to walk the world alone with two little girls in tow, I did. I was 29 years old when a customer in the bar I was working in struck up a conversation with me. Long story short he started talking to me about spirituality. We became friends and I found my spirituality again. My day-to-day life started to improve almost immediately even though I was very restrictive with my openness of Jesus and God.
I would say I believe in my GOD, and I love my GOD, but I would say I am not one of those hypocritical Christians. I am not wearing the label. I did not want to be associated with them because of my experience as a child. I thought it would be enough if I treated people kindly and if I did not break the 10 commandments. I was complacent praising god and praying in private. I wouldn’t deny my GOD or his presence in my life, but I did not scream or confess my love for him for all the world to see.
The past few months I started following Charlie on social media and really enjoyed the truth he spoke. I was proud of him for being so strong in his faith and so courageous about his love for God and his plan for us all. I was impressed to say the least. I would catch myself scrolling to video after video watching this peaceful protester share the love he has for our God. I could literally feel my heart opening to God. About a month ago I opened a bible for the first time in decades. It was almost like I feared what was inside. I read a few highlighted scriptures and then sat it back on the books shelf.
Since Charlie’s passing Matt and I have started reading the bible together each morning. It’s Like a comforting childhood artifact that is coming back into my life. I am coming to realize that God was loving on me the whole time. He was one who blocked the view of some of the worst moments in my life and only let me see the light. He was the one who encouraged me to be kind and loving to my first husband even when he wasn’t very deserving. He was with me in the safe houses, he was with me in the bars, and he was even with me in my car luckily holding the wheel when I had no business driving.
Today I want to proclaim to all of you, that I will no longer be loving our God in private. I will take Charlie’s lead and will being loving our Lord out loud! I am doing this for me and for those who are still stuck in the dark like I was. I will share my love for God so that they too can find his light and can shed the bulky armor of shame the word placed on them and find the true FREEDOM Charlie talked about! Thank you for your presence in my life “Charlie” I know God is enjoying having you home!
About the Author-Amy Amdahl
Amy Amdahl is the owner and publisher of the Peddler’s Post, Central Florida’s Most Fun Community Paper and social media Director for the Citrus Writers of Florida. She is an aspiring published author. Her scattered brain is full of stories to tell. Amy loves to tell stories of her life and one day hopes to publish them.
For now, she is happy writing short stories in the Peddler’s post, and in the annual Citrus Writers of Florida Anthology and Poetry & short books for her loved ones.
Amy also dabbles in public speaking discussing the impacts of childhood poverty, sexual assault, addiction and domestic violence.
